One of the local sports radio talk show announcers where I live used to be a police chief, and he sometimes fills some time during the morning show by telling stories from his time on the beat (hey, you can’t talk about how crappy the Orioles are forever.)  Just recently, he was talking about how he was patrolling the city one night when he came across a parked car and in the car he could see three young men and a head bobbing up and down in one of their laps.  Well, I’m sure you can guess what was happening.  Needless to say, he  interrupted the proceedings and made everyone get out of the car.  Now this chief recognized the prostitute, and he told her “Come on, just show them.”  The kids had no idea what he was talking about.  The chief insisted, so the prostitute pulled down her pants to reveal…well, a johnson.  Two of the three kids looked absolutely horrified, but the chief couldn’t understand why the third kid was smiling uncontrollably.  “What are you so happy about?” he asked.  The kid replied, “I’m the only one who hadn’t gone yet.”

That’s all to preface the notion that the following song may very well have been made by that tranny:

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

If you want to make a compelling parody/cover, you’ve got to commit to it, ladies!  Otherwise it’s just embarassing.

But the guys in Pennsylvania get it.  In fact, they had me at “Pennsyltucky.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

This comes from Kings of Leon drummer Nathan Followill, in reference to the band’s recent show in St. Louis:

“So sorry St. Louis. We had to bail, pigeons shitting in [bassist] Jared [Followill]’s mouth. Too unsanitary to continue….Don’t take it out on Jared, it’s the fucking venue’s fault. You may enjoy being shit on but we don’t. Sorry for all who traveled many miles.”

Yummy!

That really sucks for both the band and the fans.  It’s too bad there weren’t any umbrella hats on hand that the guys could have strapped on to protect them from the fecal showers.  I wonder if, in the future, the venue will consider doing what the Cincinnati Bengals considered when they had a similar problem a few years back.

-Sam

It’s that time of year again.  I’m talking, of course, about the annual Gathering Of The Juggalos, now in its 11th year, which is both mindblowing and deeply depressing.

If you are unfamiliar with the Gathering, then you should consider yourself lucky (although, granted, it is a tremendous source of derisive laughter at the expense of morons).

You can watch the infomercial for this year’s event below, but here are just a few of the acts you can see if you decide to slap on some clown paint and head into the fields and forests of Illinois to contemplate the miracles of magnets (how do they work?) and the joys of a Faygo shower: Naughty by Nature, Gallagher (and don’t worry, it’s “not that fake ass Gilligan motherfucker either”), Ron Jeremy (he’ll be “telling jokes about slangin’ dick”), Warren G, Tila Tequila, Afroman, Coolio, Tone Loc, Vanilla Ice, and Method Man and Redman (honestly, guys?).

And speaking of Coolio, here’s what happened the last time he toured with ICP.

But the Gathering is never about just the “music.”  Oh no, this year you’ve got midget wrestling, a bubble-foam party with naked chicks, regular non-midget wrestling featuring Viscera (what, couldn’t get Mideon?) and the Road Dogg among others, as well as flashlight wrestling where the only lights are from the flashlights that the crowd brings at 4 am (”and some of these legends are drunk as hell.”)

This year’s infomercial definitely isn’t as good as last year’s (or SNL’s awesome parody of it and ICP), but it will still make you laugh and feel better about yourself as a human being.  And the announcer sums it up best I think, calling it “the greatest time you motherfucker (yes, singular) will ever have.  I put that on my nuts, bitch.”

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

(And is it just me, or does anyone else not remember Ernie looking that tanned?  I mean look at him at the 14 second mark!  That must have had something to do with the storyline.  Like skin cancer awareness day or something.)

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

It comes from the musical comedy group The Axis of Awesome.  They are essentially the Australian version of Flight of the Conchords (and for those of you who thought the Conchords were from Australia themselves, they aren’t.  They’re from New Zealand.)

Anyway, the song they are playing is called “4 Chords,” and it’s basically showing how many pop hits follow the same chord progression.  According to Wikipedia, the four chords “are written I – V – vi – IV. The band plays the song in the key of E so the progression they use is E-B-C#m-A.”

So there you have it.  You too can write a pop sensation by following those simple steps.  Would a little more variety on the radio be a good thing?  Absolutely.  But even I can’t deny that a lot of those songs are damn good pop tunes.  Then again, if I listened to pop all the time, it would probably start to drive me crazy.  The guys also have a studio version of the song posted at their MySpace page which includes a slightly different mix of songs.

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

But wait, there is hope once again!

The New York Post is reporting that the seminal MTV show Beavis and Butt-head will be returning to the airwaves with all new episodes!  The new episodes will still feature the boys as high-schoolers, but instead of flinging their cynical and moronic critiques at music videos from the 80s and 90s, their old cracked television will now feature current videos.

Some people might say that Beavis and Butt-head was the first step in MTV’s movement away from featuring music videos.  That’s fair and it may be true.  But couldn’t it also then be the first step in reversing that trend and leading the station closer to its origins?  MTV is never going to be a 24/7 music video station again – the economics just don’t support it.  But I’m sure they can get away with showing some, and if so, the return of Beavis and Butt-head is a sneakily awesome move in that direction.

And can you imagine what kind of comments those two will have while watching the “Alejandro” video?

-Sam

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam

I’m a huge fan of Scrubs (minus the unnecessary and derivative ninth and final season) so it was with much delight when I was walking around Annapolis, MD that I saw a poster on the window of a restaurant/small concert venue announcing that The Blanks would be playing a Sunday matinee show this weekend!  Count me in.

If you aren’t familiar with The Blanks, just imagine your dad and three of his nerdy friends getting together to sing TV theme songs (real and original), classic rock tunes, and lighthearted jokey comedic songs.  Toss in some humorous between-song sketches and you’ve got The Blanks.

The one question that always arises when someone is trying to reproduce what they did on television in front of a live audience is, how much help did they get from the editing room?  I’m happy to report that The Blanks are in no such need of any technical wizardry to hide behind.  They’ve all got great, clear voices that filled the room and worked well together within the different arrangements.

They covered most of the songs that appeared on Scrubs, including a rather beautiful rendition of “Over the Rainbow” (which you’ll remember came from the great Wizard of Oz-themed episode).  But most of those songs were the short theme songs.  The Blanks really shined when they stretched out a little and put together longer (relatively) arrangements like with the original song “A Little Polish” (as in shoe polish, not someone from Poland).

Apart from being really good singers, The Blanks are showmen and comedians at heart.  They had a running “story line” which tied the whole show together and their between-song comedy routines were great for adding variety to the show.  Also adding variety were the “guest singers,” otherwise known as plastic toys and dolls like Mr. Pumpkin Head and Captain Commando who come equipped with programmed sound snippets that the guys creatively wove into songs.

The highlights of the show were the classic rock montage featuring “Don’t Fear the Reaper” and “Carry on My Wayward Son,” the Solid Gold oldies bit, and the absolutely hilarious show closer “Maniac” featuring a dancing Mrs. Claus figure.  That’s all I’ll say about that, but if you are interested in checking these guys out, they have some upcoming dates in the northeast later this summer.  They are a perfect group to bring your parents to because they keep everything clean, but you’ll still laugh a lot and have a good time.

(My only gripe?  I was hoping they’d bring out the Gooch as a special guest.)

-Sam

But what’s the one thing that can cheer anybody up on a sizzling day like this?

That’s right, the ice cream truck and it’s beckoning jingle!  This guy knows what I’m talking about.  He loves the ice cream truck so much he made up his own slow-churned boogie to bust out while he waits for it to show up at his door.  Although, given that he looks like Tweedledee, he might want to lay off the frozen treats for a while.  That dance clearly ain’t a calorie-burner.

Click here to view the embedded video.

-Sam