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These two skanks make Rebecca Black look like Adele

21 April
Author: Sam
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Last night my brother alerted me to what is surely a sign of the musical apocalypse, or at least just another example of its death spiral.

So I watched the above video called “Hot Problems” (a song about hot girls having the same problems as the rest of us uggos).  Right off the bat, whoever made this travesty is asking to be mercilessly mocked for that title and concept alone.  When will these floozy young girls learn from those who came – and failed – before them?  Seriously, Rebecca Black should be the only “hey kids, look at these pictures in health class of oozing syphilitic dongs so it doesn’t happen to you too”-cautionary tale style warning that young girls with any aspirations to make a music video should need.  And yet, like unplanned teen pregnancies, this shit just keeps popping up.

My next reaction after the initial total-body revulsion to what I’m assuming must be the generic pop song base track in Garage Band was to question whether these girls were somehow in on the joke.  I like to give a sliver of a benefit of the doubt.  And while I can’t be sure that the following remarks by the “singers” were, made in a post-upload moment of clarity/attempt to divert the inevitable and relentless lampooning that was sure to follow, it seems, at least for the moment, that these girls were being at least a little facetious:

“We knew that we couldn’t actually sing…so we decided to go for more of a talking singing,” said Garrett.

Both Garrett and Willey emphasize that they aren’t serious about the song, “We don’t think that we’re that hot, no.”

I’m magnanimous enough to believe them at their word, and therefore spare making any jokes at their expense in this space.  However, that doesn’t mean I would deprive you of all the jokes that other people have made about this video!  Here are some of my favorite YouTube comments:

* “We produced the video as a favor.” You didn’t do any favors, for anybody.

* after hearing this i don’t wanna live in this world anymore.

* flagged for child abuse

* why not do what you are supposed to do, be prostitutes and make me a sandwich. :3

* brb turning gay

-Sam

3 Responses to “These two skanks make Rebecca Black look like Adele”

  1. kaotic73 says:

    You sir, have been trolled.

    (At least that’s the only possible explanation I can think of for this atrocity.)

    Welcome to the Hannah Montana version of the Rick Roll.

  2. Xave says:

    I watched the whole thing and was like da fuq did i just watch. I could feel my IQ and just overall health deteriating as the video progressed.

  3. Ariel says:

    When they first started… “singing” (if that’s even what they were doing) I seriously was thinking that there was no way that this was legitimate and was actually just a joke where they make fun of themselves, it changes your outlook about it, at least. EXCEPT… they didn’t look like they were joking in the video so I was doubting my hopes. I think I should go back to listening to ACTUAL talent before I can’t even pick up my headphones anymore for fear of what I will hear. Beatles, I beg of you, please make me forget all the bad in the music world… NOW.