Posts Tagged ‘Coolio’
More proof of why some people shouldn’t be allowed to procreate
Gather round ninjas!
It’s that time of year again. I’m talking, of course, about the annual Gathering Of The Juggalos, now in its 11th year, which is both mindblowing and deeply depressing.
If you are unfamiliar with the Gathering, then you should consider yourself lucky (although, granted, it is a tremendous source of derisive laughter at the expense of morons).
You can watch the infomercial for this year’s event below, but here are just a few of the acts you can see if you decide to slap on some clown paint and head into the fields and forests of Illinois to contemplate the miracles of magnets (how do they work?) and the joys of a Faygo shower: Naughty by Nature, Gallagher (and don’t worry, it’s “not that fake ass Gilligan motherfucker either”), Ron Jeremy (he’ll be “telling jokes about slangin’ dick”), Warren G, Tila Tequila, Afroman, Coolio, Tone Loc, Vanilla Ice, and Method Man and Redman (honestly, guys?).
And speaking of Coolio, here’s what happened the last time he toured with ICP.
But the Gathering is never about just the “music.” Oh no, this year you’ve got midget wrestling, a bubble-foam party with naked chicks, regular non-midget wrestling featuring Viscera (what, couldn’t get Mideon?) and the Road Dogg among others, as well as flashlight wrestling where the only lights are from the flashlights that the crowd brings at 4 am (”and some of these legends are drunk as hell.”)
This year’s infomercial definitely isn’t as good as last year’s (or SNL’s awesome parody of it and ICP), but it will still make you laugh and feel better about yourself as a human being. And the announcer sums it up best I think, calling it “the greatest time you motherfucker (yes, singular) will ever have. I put that on my nuts, bitch.”
-Sam
No one else need apply for the Worst Tour of 2010 label. This epic monstrosity has it locked up already and it’s only March.
Here’s the lineup:
Insane Clown Posse – do I even need to go any further? Seriously, any tour headlined by these ignoramuses is an automatic failure. But let’s go on just to see what happens, shall we?
Coolio – holy hell, this is just a big joke, right?…right? I mean, I guess it would be cool to hear him sing “Gangster’s Paradise” but only in some kind of sickly ironic way. You do realize you would have to sit through an entire set of his music, don’t you? Although it would be awesome if he tried to stage dive and no one caught him and then the audience proceeded to rob him as he lay on the ground. Oh wait, that already happened once. It still would be cool though.
Kittie – one of these things is not like the other. Seriously, what is this band doing on this tour? Are they that desperate? I don’t even like Kittie, but they have to be better than this. Here’s a quote that Kittie frontwoman Morgan Lander gave about the tour: “I have no idea what to expect. There is nothing worse than getting pop in your hair or all over your gear, for that matter. But it seems like an interesting and different opportunity and we figured we’d jump on it. We’re going on a ‘Fantastic Voyage’ with Coolio!” Translation: “Oh crap. I had no idea what kind of sub-moronic shit the headliners on this tour will be doing on a nightly basis. Nevertheless, we are hard up for cash and weren’t willing to wait for the next K-Fed tour.”
Necro – this “death-rapper” once left a tour after the audience threw bags of feces and vomit onstage during his performance.
Kottonmouth Kings – a horrible rap-rock group
I’m not even going to include a link to tour dates or locations because I don’t want to make it easier for people to go see this shit-show. Think of this post as more of a warning. If you know someone who is considering shelling out hard-earned money for tickets to this, it is your duty to stop them, using whatever means necessary. You will be aiding humanity if you accomplish that.
-Sam